Butter it, don't Burn it: My Beef with a Grilled Cheese Sandwich

It's no secret that things such as culture, geography, monetary income, and ingredient-availability effect the food people eat. Aside from these concrete factors, every type of food is subject to opinionated differences. The world of sandwiches is no exception, and introduces a spectrum of variety that other foods would have trouble surpassing. With all of the different grains that can be harvested for bread-making, the different milks that can be used for cheeses, the meats we base them on, the crops that can be used to dress, the endless array of herbs and spices and fats that can be combined to create condiments.. I don't know that another type of food could get me as riled up as sandwiches do.

I apologize. The purpose of this post is simple, really. A sandwich upset me. That's right, a sandwich. Not just any sandwich, either; a plain, old grilled cheese. You're probably thinking, "Dude, it's just a grilled cheese." And that's a statement to which I'd most certainly reply, "That's where you're wrong, friend!"

You see, when I think about a grilled cheese, I think back to my youth. I think back to the arousal of my senses of sight, sound, and smell when my grandmother would gently dip a knife into a tub of Country Crock, slather up a couple slices of Mrs. Baird's, slowly unwrap a Kraft American single, and construct the ideal sandwich just before laying that little bastard into the most trusty of her skillets and bringing each side to mouthwatering, golden-brown perfection. I've no doubt that you'd be able to paint a similar picture with a description of your childhood grilled cheese experiences.

Am I saying I feel that a grilled cheese must be limited to the aforementioned brilliance? Of course not. I've seen gourmet grilled cheese sandwiches made with select breads, the finest cheeses, and even dressed with certain add-ons such as condiments or produce. What I am saying, though, is that a grilled cheese sandwich should never be less than that memory of our childhood.

Unfortunately, I once experienced the tragedy of being served a "grilled cheese" that was nothing more than two (unbuttered!) pieces of toast between which a slice of cheese had sloppily been lain, and it pissed me off.

We all know the difference between the verbs, "grill" and a "toast," right? Just in case, let's see what our friends at Merriam-Webster have to say:


¹grill   verb \ˈgril\
 1 : to broil on a grill; also : to fry or toast on a griddle


¹toast verb \ˈtōst\
2 : to make (as bread) crisp, hot, and brown by heat

The apparatuses used to complete these (semi-)similar tasks are two completely different devices, and are designed for two completely different methods of heat distribution.

To you, the grilled cheese may be a simple sandwich, and I'll give you that, it is. That's no excuse to let this happen to you. A slice of cheese that's been lazily slapped between two pieces of toast is never an acceptable substitute for a grilled cheese sandwich.